It's pitch black and lonely in here. This box is small and secluded, I was exasperated by the lonelyness. Why was I here, these questions baffled me, well in sithence I was playing Hide and go seek with my brother, but now it's been four hours. And I'm still here, inside this small toy box, the spot I hide ever time I play this game. I'm displeased, no one cares that I haven't been out and about four hours. Unloved and forgotten, they only care about arrangeing a $4000 funeral for my cat who died from panleukopenia, they are unrational they won't spend one measly dime on me and spend $4000 wasted dolars on the cat. I'm apperantly a 'nussence'. So now i'm here, overlying all these things getting ready to decompose, but they are imperishing. They are identing the abnormaly small toy box, th shattered grass shaving the flesh of my back. I feel tingleing inside, the fumes inside here are making me dizzy, toxic fumes equal mutation, oh great! I'm going to me a mutated freak uncounsious in a toy box full of imperishing unkown items. The scent, it was horrid, smells like an Acer negundo, maybe after a couple more hours I'll need some medication like i don't know Haematology the sickly taste of that medicence.
I bet you're wondering why I don't just open the door and crawl out, well to sooth you're overactive little minds someone put a unbreakable ununlockable lock on the lid, I'm stuck like a fish on a hook, nothing I could do but sit here and wait to decompose like the rest on unknown objects in this bin. I was inadmissible to my family, unexcepted or inproper to them, like I was a cat in a pack of wolves. I was rejected by my own mother, my own father! The ones who share my blood.
Hours passed and i'm still here. There's no doubt that I'm going to die, I never knew what I was like to be face to face with death, my fate was determined, all I could do now was wait...
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Too much sugar?
In the air was saddness, silence filled the interior of the car. Tears dripping down her cheek, what was happening was all I was thinking. I was sad even though I had no idea what was happening but looking at my mom I felt sypathy. I knew, I was causing her this misery. But what was happening, I asked my mom there was no answer. The silence just dronned on, the confusing just kept growing, uninformed I arrived at the hospital. My mom got out of the car, grabbed a bag full of clothes and toilettries and head for the door, with the bright sign that said Enter *patients only* Then, all of a sudden, a light clicked off in my head. I knew why I was here, that page my mom researched on the computer finally made sense. I was here because...I have diabetes. That realization made the happiness in me drain all the way down my body and out my toes into the ground, gone forever. I was walked up into the childrens ward into a room soo bright, it had paintings of some sort of tree's or something on it. I was led to the bed by the window and sat down, still having mixed feelings about everything that was going on. Then a nurse bardged into the room, her eyes looked sad. She was carrying a tray it was bright red with food on it. I was hungry, but why couldn't I just go home and eat? She placed the tray down and left without saying a word, her marshmellow looking nurse shoes pitter patted down the hallway. Then she came back, with two things this time, things i have never seen before, ifirst she pulled out this small rectangle thing, with a blue lid, what was it. She asked for my finger, what was I supposed to do? give it too her or hide them? I decided to give her a try, with my delicate fingers. She uncapped that contraption, that would be the first on many. "Click" that was the last thing I heard, there was a little needle in there. Punctureing the soft flesh on my fingers, I could feel the blood starting to rush out of my finger
I could faintly hear her saying "Milk your finger!" Ummm? Milk my finger, how odd did that sound, there was only one thing I could think of too say back "What do you mean! My finger is NOT a cows utter!" Then the laughing started and my hearing came back, my finger still throbbing and my mind still confused, She brang this small thing towards me, it looked like an MP3 player. She stuck this little strip too my finger, the blood rushed up it like a vacume cleaner. What was it? What was happening? No one was answering me. There was only one thing I knew for sure I had diabetes. What! she was coming back, this time with..a needle and a vile! Gosh I hate needles soo much. It wouldn't hurt, I thought to myself.
"Your legs stomache or Arm?" She asked?
"Stomache?" I responeded with a confused tone of voice, she headed towards my stomach. Pulling up my shirt, The needle puntured my soft tissue, but the fluid in it, what was it doing. All those weeks of tiredness and thirst those feelings were now subsideing. Why? What was she putting into me? Why was it making feel this way? What was it doing? I guess the questions never really mattered, but I was getting better now thats what matters. It was like a miricale, a strange feeling, a feeling of relif and serenity. It was great, but I had no idea I was going to do that for the rest of my life.
I kinda remember being in the hospital, and now that I think about they never directly told me I had diabetes, I kinda just put the peices together. But I think something that will stick in my head forever is what the nurses repeatedly said "soon this will just be another part of your dailey routine" I never actually belived them. Untill, it actually became reality. But after that first day in the hospital after I woke up, I was diffrent. I was living life from a new perspective.
I could faintly hear her saying "Milk your finger!" Ummm? Milk my finger, how odd did that sound, there was only one thing I could think of too say back "What do you mean! My finger is NOT a cows utter!" Then the laughing started and my hearing came back, my finger still throbbing and my mind still confused, She brang this small thing towards me, it looked like an MP3 player. She stuck this little strip too my finger, the blood rushed up it like a vacume cleaner. What was it? What was happening? No one was answering me. There was only one thing I knew for sure I had diabetes. What! she was coming back, this time with..a needle and a vile! Gosh I hate needles soo much. It wouldn't hurt, I thought to myself.
"Your legs stomache or Arm?" She asked?
"Stomache?" I responeded with a confused tone of voice, she headed towards my stomach. Pulling up my shirt, The needle puntured my soft tissue, but the fluid in it, what was it doing. All those weeks of tiredness and thirst those feelings were now subsideing. Why? What was she putting into me? Why was it making feel this way? What was it doing? I guess the questions never really mattered, but I was getting better now thats what matters. It was like a miricale, a strange feeling, a feeling of relif and serenity. It was great, but I had no idea I was going to do that for the rest of my life.
I kinda remember being in the hospital, and now that I think about they never directly told me I had diabetes, I kinda just put the peices together. But I think something that will stick in my head forever is what the nurses repeatedly said "soon this will just be another part of your dailey routine" I never actually belived them. Untill, it actually became reality. But after that first day in the hospital after I woke up, I was diffrent. I was living life from a new perspective.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
I'm a needle
It's flu season, people all around coming to the designated spot to get their vacsination. I'm the terrible thing that gives them the fluid, to pervent them from become sick. But the pain it brings after the fact. I hate my job, I cause people pain. Much pain, they tremble at the sight of me some even faint. I'm ashamed of myself I make small children cry I love children, I never want to see them cry, why was I made to bring pain when all I want them to feel is love. But they will thank me for the giving them the lovely fluid later.
The lines start to grow, the dirt covered unsanitary clinic is now filled. Unknowing of all the unsafe practises they do. I'm a reused needle, used for everyone that comes in for their shot. It's Gross and unsafe. And look, next in line. A small little boy, with blonde hair and blue eyes. Adorable, thats all I could say about him, his eyes they were misty. Not because he was dragged in here, but because he saw me. But it wasn't all of me, just my body my beautiful white and orange body, with numbers going up all the way to my neck. But then the cap popped off, his blue little eyes suddenly bulged out, a tear trickled down his face like rain drops on a car window. He knew the what the pain was going to be like, soon it wouldn't just be a figure of his imagination, all the pain would become real.
His mother started pulling him, into the office. My shiney metal needle put into that small vile of medicene, was it really medicene? He sat down in that grey chair, hyperventalating. The tears are now streaming down his face more like a tap then a car window. I come closer and closer to his arm about an inch away. "Relax" I heard the doctor exclaim. My feirce point punctureing his pasty white skin, deeper and deeper into his flesh, I hear a shreek. That blue liquid starts squirting out then I feel a tug then I'm out. On the counter all alone, the little boy still screaming, face red. I did that too him, that sweet little innocence gone replaced was pain. I wish I could warn him. That pain would be worse tomorrow, then the infection will come. TOO many people had used my sharpe point. The big, the small the fat and the skinny. All have used me to prevent becomeing sick well little did they knew, this very clinic was cheap, too cheap to buy more the one needle. There was nothing I could do I was an Inaniment object inable to move, inable to talk.
Rage filled me, I was used, more then once. The wrong way. I'm a use once and poperly dispose needle, it even thinks that on my package that I come with. Immature doctors, why did they even get their licesnse they aren't helping ANYONE! Saddness runs through me, where that gross liquid or 'medicene' should be. I hurt inside, sorrow runs through these vains! Well more like tube, but I wish, for one wish. And with that wish I would wish that I could be diffrent. Not a needle something more Hapy, something that brings joy to everyone like ummmm a Teddy Bear! One day maybe just maybe my wish will come true. But untill then I'm going to be a needle. Maybe even for ever.
It was now the end of the day my job was done, put into that yellow used needle box all loney. Going to disposale, maybe even turned into a new needle. Maybe next time I puncture someones beautiful skin, it will only be that one person. Not 30, maybe I will be given to a diabetic, used for good. To save someone's life, then that is when I would be proud. Proud of myslef and proud of my job. I just hope, I will not be put back into this Doctors office. But can I change? Can an inamiment object change, not on the outside but on the inside, cna I be used for good not evil, can I choose who I hurt? Can I choose who I save? I don't know if I can, but I will try.
The lines start to grow, the dirt covered unsanitary clinic is now filled. Unknowing of all the unsafe practises they do. I'm a reused needle, used for everyone that comes in for their shot. It's Gross and unsafe. And look, next in line. A small little boy, with blonde hair and blue eyes. Adorable, thats all I could say about him, his eyes they were misty. Not because he was dragged in here, but because he saw me. But it wasn't all of me, just my body my beautiful white and orange body, with numbers going up all the way to my neck. But then the cap popped off, his blue little eyes suddenly bulged out, a tear trickled down his face like rain drops on a car window. He knew the what the pain was going to be like, soon it wouldn't just be a figure of his imagination, all the pain would become real.
His mother started pulling him, into the office. My shiney metal needle put into that small vile of medicene, was it really medicene? He sat down in that grey chair, hyperventalating. The tears are now streaming down his face more like a tap then a car window. I come closer and closer to his arm about an inch away. "Relax" I heard the doctor exclaim. My feirce point punctureing his pasty white skin, deeper and deeper into his flesh, I hear a shreek. That blue liquid starts squirting out then I feel a tug then I'm out. On the counter all alone, the little boy still screaming, face red. I did that too him, that sweet little innocence gone replaced was pain. I wish I could warn him. That pain would be worse tomorrow, then the infection will come. TOO many people had used my sharpe point. The big, the small the fat and the skinny. All have used me to prevent becomeing sick well little did they knew, this very clinic was cheap, too cheap to buy more the one needle. There was nothing I could do I was an Inaniment object inable to move, inable to talk.
Rage filled me, I was used, more then once. The wrong way. I'm a use once and poperly dispose needle, it even thinks that on my package that I come with. Immature doctors, why did they even get their licesnse they aren't helping ANYONE! Saddness runs through me, where that gross liquid or 'medicene' should be. I hurt inside, sorrow runs through these vains! Well more like tube, but I wish, for one wish. And with that wish I would wish that I could be diffrent. Not a needle something more Hapy, something that brings joy to everyone like ummmm a Teddy Bear! One day maybe just maybe my wish will come true. But untill then I'm going to be a needle. Maybe even for ever.
It was now the end of the day my job was done, put into that yellow used needle box all loney. Going to disposale, maybe even turned into a new needle. Maybe next time I puncture someones beautiful skin, it will only be that one person. Not 30, maybe I will be given to a diabetic, used for good. To save someone's life, then that is when I would be proud. Proud of myslef and proud of my job. I just hope, I will not be put back into this Doctors office. But can I change? Can an inamiment object change, not on the outside but on the inside, cna I be used for good not evil, can I choose who I hurt? Can I choose who I save? I don't know if I can, but I will try.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Scaredy Student
Hi my name is Marvin, I have just a couple problems. Well more then a couple problems. They aren't weird or anything. Just a little bit obsesive. I don't know why i'm always so scared I just am. From Birth I have been scared of everything but probaly one of the stupidest things I am scared of is the fear of getting peanut butter to the roof of my mouth but yet I eat peanut butter every day it's one of the only things I like and that i'm not alegic too. But I have soo many more fears that it's almost impossible to live a normal life.
In the morning is when it all starts. I have a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast and eat it slowly so none of the penut butter will get stuck to the roof of my mouth. One bite after another. not small butes but big ones, it's just safer. But then I have to brush my teeth oh what a hassel that is. I also have a fear of choking on a toothbrush I quickly brush my teeth so the tooth brush doesn't have time to lodge it self in the throut, because without brishing my teeth my breath wouldn't be minty fresh to impress the ladies. The sad thing is, being scared of everything that means even my tooth paste. Yes thats right, it sounds kind of stupid. But look at it this way, what happens if the tooth paste just so happens to be too strong and the minty freshness burns my mouth. It would be too sore to eat anything so I would die from lack of food, see your scared right now. I can see you shaking. 'My point proven. Well enough of that nonsense, it's time for school. So I pack my backpack, same order everyday. Just so I know where everthing is.
Here's how it goes:
1. My bible
2. My Binder
3. My Sweater
4. My peanut butter sandwich
That's all I need thorughout my day. Seems like nothing for a scardy cat like me, I bet you were expecting an emergency kit or maybe an emergency plan, well you though wrong. I have it all planned out at school. They will have everything I need there, like when I eat my peanut butter sandwich they have paint brushes to scrap the peanutbutter gets stuck, but thats just a worse case senario. You might think that I have very little fears, but you will see more of them when I get to school. While walking to school I always wear bubble wrap, I have to make sure that if I fall I wont get a cut that will turn into a scab, and we all know that when it turns into a scap you want to pick it off. But when you pick it off a scar might form, and who would want to marry someone with big ugly scars all over their body. I DO NOT under any cercumstanse want to grow old alone, living with 20 cats in an ugly dull pink smelly apartment. Well enough of this chit chat I have to get to school.
When I finally get to school. I make sure nobody touches me without washing their hands. I would hate to get a cold and have to bring homework home and get a paper cut and bleed to death with nobody to save me. I also make sure I wear extra safe inside shoes, or slippers if you wish, so that if the floors are ever wet or slippery I will not slip and break a bone, being forced to go to the hospital with scary doctors looking at me, maybe looking at me naked depending on the injury. Wouldn't that we akward, yeah i guess they have seen many people naked but they have never seen me naked, so it's different. When at school there are nurses and teachers that could be at my aid in a second. I wish I could grow out of these fears. But I think I'm stuck with them. By the end of the day my nerves calm down. But i'm still skidish on the walk home. Strangers always walk by me which makes me pee my pants. I'm always scared they are going to steal my bible. It comforts me in any situation. Usualy nothing ever happens well anything bad. But maybe just maybe today would be diffrent.
As Marvin was walking through the park, birds flying over head. People passing him left and right. Nothing seems to be targeting him but then a shiney beach ball rolled up by his bright white saftey sneakers. A young little boy trotted up and asked "Do you want to play catch with me?" Marvin was shocked, he has never been talked to by a stranger before. He was shaking, what is he wanted to steal his stuff!?! What if he wanted to murder me!?! Why was he asking these silly questions you ask? Because! These things could happen, with anyone.
The young boy was just standing there. Looking at me with his dark blue eyes. He looked so inocent, but I could trust no one. He could try to kill me. He could do anything. I wasn't going to take that chance, there was no time to waste I had to get home before my peanut butter sandwich would go bad, so I quickly trotted away. Leaving the little boy standing there, with that cute little confused look on his face. I had this sudden urge to go back, back too see him, back too play catch with his lovely ball. Too bad it was too late I had to go.
I finally got home, carfully unlocking the door being carful not to be sliced on the shiney metal key. The house was silent. Same old house, the extra padded walls that I made my mother buy just incase I tripped and fell against the wall and wack my head and break my skull. As you can see I always think of the worst case senario instead of that nothing bad usualy ever happens, thats why I have such a great difficulty getting over all my pathetic fears.
Then all of a sudden, music starts playing from inside my room. I was so scared but i rushed down to my room anyways. There was something in there I could see the figure moving in the darkness. Quickly I flicked on the light and looked around my room. Strangly I saw what I never EVER expected too see. It was green, red and brown, a guy. Deffinetly not a normal guy, but I guy dressed in..a Tacos suit? I look up the down with a confused look on my face. Questions raced through my scared little mind. Just why was he dressed as a Taco? Why was he in my room? These questions baffled me. But guess what!?! I wasn't scared. For the first time in YEARS I wasn't scared. This thrilled me, but what was I going to tell my mom when she got home. "Hi mom, take down the padding on the walls. I'm not afraid of anything! Yeah thats right, A guy dressed in a Taco suit helped me over come my fears"
That wouldn't go well. She would send me to a mental hospital, even the people in the mental hospital would think I was mental. I'll have to think up an excuse, the new me willing to lie. oh i'm was such a rebal. The new devious me ready to prowel the streets.
*Warning* Theres a new Marvin lurking the streets. This guy is a rebal, yup a hard core R-E-B-A-L. Beware he might spray you with silly string. Or lie to you about being asian. Do not I repeat DO NOT over look this warning, this is no joke. Under no cercumstance should you speak to Marvin, or even look at his for that matter. Just remember this warning it will save your life one day. Just wait and see.
In the morning is when it all starts. I have a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast and eat it slowly so none of the penut butter will get stuck to the roof of my mouth. One bite after another. not small butes but big ones, it's just safer. But then I have to brush my teeth oh what a hassel that is. I also have a fear of choking on a toothbrush I quickly brush my teeth so the tooth brush doesn't have time to lodge it self in the throut, because without brishing my teeth my breath wouldn't be minty fresh to impress the ladies. The sad thing is, being scared of everything that means even my tooth paste. Yes thats right, it sounds kind of stupid. But look at it this way, what happens if the tooth paste just so happens to be too strong and the minty freshness burns my mouth. It would be too sore to eat anything so I would die from lack of food, see your scared right now. I can see you shaking. 'My point proven. Well enough of that nonsense, it's time for school. So I pack my backpack, same order everyday. Just so I know where everthing is.
Here's how it goes:
1. My bible
2. My Binder
3. My Sweater
4. My peanut butter sandwich
That's all I need thorughout my day. Seems like nothing for a scardy cat like me, I bet you were expecting an emergency kit or maybe an emergency plan, well you though wrong. I have it all planned out at school. They will have everything I need there, like when I eat my peanut butter sandwich they have paint brushes to scrap the peanutbutter gets stuck, but thats just a worse case senario. You might think that I have very little fears, but you will see more of them when I get to school. While walking to school I always wear bubble wrap, I have to make sure that if I fall I wont get a cut that will turn into a scab, and we all know that when it turns into a scap you want to pick it off. But when you pick it off a scar might form, and who would want to marry someone with big ugly scars all over their body. I DO NOT under any cercumstanse want to grow old alone, living with 20 cats in an ugly dull pink smelly apartment. Well enough of this chit chat I have to get to school.
When I finally get to school. I make sure nobody touches me without washing their hands. I would hate to get a cold and have to bring homework home and get a paper cut and bleed to death with nobody to save me. I also make sure I wear extra safe inside shoes, or slippers if you wish, so that if the floors are ever wet or slippery I will not slip and break a bone, being forced to go to the hospital with scary doctors looking at me, maybe looking at me naked depending on the injury. Wouldn't that we akward, yeah i guess they have seen many people naked but they have never seen me naked, so it's different. When at school there are nurses and teachers that could be at my aid in a second. I wish I could grow out of these fears. But I think I'm stuck with them. By the end of the day my nerves calm down. But i'm still skidish on the walk home. Strangers always walk by me which makes me pee my pants. I'm always scared they are going to steal my bible. It comforts me in any situation. Usualy nothing ever happens well anything bad. But maybe just maybe today would be diffrent.
As Marvin was walking through the park, birds flying over head. People passing him left and right. Nothing seems to be targeting him but then a shiney beach ball rolled up by his bright white saftey sneakers. A young little boy trotted up and asked "Do you want to play catch with me?" Marvin was shocked, he has never been talked to by a stranger before. He was shaking, what is he wanted to steal his stuff!?! What if he wanted to murder me!?! Why was he asking these silly questions you ask? Because! These things could happen, with anyone.
The young boy was just standing there. Looking at me with his dark blue eyes. He looked so inocent, but I could trust no one. He could try to kill me. He could do anything. I wasn't going to take that chance, there was no time to waste I had to get home before my peanut butter sandwich would go bad, so I quickly trotted away. Leaving the little boy standing there, with that cute little confused look on his face. I had this sudden urge to go back, back too see him, back too play catch with his lovely ball. Too bad it was too late I had to go.
I finally got home, carfully unlocking the door being carful not to be sliced on the shiney metal key. The house was silent. Same old house, the extra padded walls that I made my mother buy just incase I tripped and fell against the wall and wack my head and break my skull. As you can see I always think of the worst case senario instead of that nothing bad usualy ever happens, thats why I have such a great difficulty getting over all my pathetic fears.
Then all of a sudden, music starts playing from inside my room. I was so scared but i rushed down to my room anyways. There was something in there I could see the figure moving in the darkness. Quickly I flicked on the light and looked around my room. Strangly I saw what I never EVER expected too see. It was green, red and brown, a guy. Deffinetly not a normal guy, but I guy dressed in..a Tacos suit? I look up the down with a confused look on my face. Questions raced through my scared little mind. Just why was he dressed as a Taco? Why was he in my room? These questions baffled me. But guess what!?! I wasn't scared. For the first time in YEARS I wasn't scared. This thrilled me, but what was I going to tell my mom when she got home. "Hi mom, take down the padding on the walls. I'm not afraid of anything! Yeah thats right, A guy dressed in a Taco suit helped me over come my fears"
That wouldn't go well. She would send me to a mental hospital, even the people in the mental hospital would think I was mental. I'll have to think up an excuse, the new me willing to lie. oh i'm was such a rebal. The new devious me ready to prowel the streets.
*Warning* Theres a new Marvin lurking the streets. This guy is a rebal, yup a hard core R-E-B-A-L. Beware he might spray you with silly string. Or lie to you about being asian. Do not I repeat DO NOT over look this warning, this is no joke. Under no cercumstance should you speak to Marvin, or even look at his for that matter. Just remember this warning it will save your life one day. Just wait and see.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)